“Lieutenant. Patch me into the GOP chairman”, Kirk orders. “Aye, sir. Hailing frequencies open.”
“Chairman Priebus. This is Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. We are here on a …” The communications is interrupted by
a loud boom.
Turning to his helmsman, Kirk asks, “Mr. Sulu. What was that?” “Sir”, replies Mr. Sulu, “The Republican National Convention fired a plasma discharge at us.” An obviously concerned Captain Kirk turns to his weapons officer. “Mr. Chekov. Status on shields?” The young ensign answers, “Shields are holding, sir.”
“Captain.” “Yes, Uhura”, replies Kirk. “Chairman Priebus is asking for our unconditional surrender.” A momentary silence moves through the bridge like a dark cloud. Finally the Enterprise’s chief engineer breaks the silence.
“Captain. We can target our phasers right at the little beasties without hitting any civilians.” Turning to his chief medical officer, Kirk asks, “Bones. What do you think?” Kirk receives the expected reply. ” Damn it, Jim. I’m a doctor not a fighter.”
Lastly, turning to his Vulcan science officer, Kirk asks for an analysis. “Our mission, Jim, is to seek out new and intelligent life forms. Since the GOP does not fit the category, annihilation is …logical.”
Plopping into his command chair with a steel jaw and icy stare, Kirk gives the order every Trekker expects: “Chekov! Fire all phasers!!